Why Can't I Be With You?
by DarkAngelwithaPhoneBox
Summary: Castiel reacts to Dean sleeping with Anna. My terrible attempt at angst.


_**Authors note: **_So I was thinking of how Dean slept with Anna and a reaction from Castiel came into my head. So here's my attempt at writing it down.

_**Soundtrack:**_ White Blank Page by Mumford & Sons

**Full Disclosure? **I don't own anything Supernatural. Sad but true.

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><p>Dean opened the door to the barn. He glanced around and found he was alone. He turned to close the door.<p>

"So that's how you spend your last moments on earth?"

Dean jumped at the low raspy voice behind him.

"Jesus, Cas. Give a guy a little warning."

Castiel walked up to Dean looking upset.

"If you want to stop this apocalypse you should try to stop your blasphemous tongue."

Dean rolled his eyes.

"I'll do whatever I want to. God's not watching anymore."

Cas balled his fists in rage. He turned as if to walk away but suddenly spun and grabbed Dean, forcing him to the wall.

"It upsets me when you speak about my father that way. He has not disappeared. And you need to treat him with respect. Unlike every woman you encounter."

Cas released Dean but stood his ground. Dean looked up at Cas from where he sat on the ground.

"Is that really what this is about? Me and Anna?"

Cas' anger was apparent but he said nothing. Dean got to his feet and wiped the dirt from his clothes.

"Why would that upset you Cas? You know how I roll."

Cas turned away. Dean grabbed his shoulder.

"Are you jealous?"

Cas lifted his eyes to meet Dean's. They looked so sad.

"I do not know if that is what I am feeling. All I know is that you should not be with her. You don't even know her and she had your love. And after all I've done for you; you will not even embrace me."

Dean dropped his hand. Now he felt guilty.

"First off, I don't _love _Anna. I just had sex with her. And come on man. I don't feel like that for dudes."

Cas hung his head.

"What about your brother. You love him and embrace him daily."

Dean shrugged.

"Not like that man. We're brothers. If you really need to hear it I do love you like a brother. I just don't do man touching."

Cas turned his head, keeping his eyes on the ground.

"Dean. It is nice to hear you love me like a brother. But I do not return that sentiment."

Dean felt his stomach drop.

"I-" Dean felt his voice catch, "I'm sorry to hear that."

Dean shifted nervously and turned his head from Cas.

"I don't think you understand. I do love you Dean. I don't love you _like a brother_."

Dean felt a strange feeling come inside him. Like fear mixed with... desire?

He felt a hand on his shoulder.

"Do you understand or should I make my affections apparent?"

Dean didn't know what to do. He shrugged off Cas' hand and looked him in the eyes.

"You've made yourself quite apparent."

There was an awkward silence. Cas lowered his eyes.

"Say something Dean. Anything."

Dean shrugged nonchalantly but he felt terrified inside.

"What would you like me to say Cas. I don't know how to react okay. You're my best friend and I'm a fan of vaginas. Does Jimmy secretly have a vagina? Then let's not go there."

Cas sighed and shook his head.

"Dean. Jimmy is a male. Of course he doesn't have a vagina. Why are you so caught up in what you think you should be? It matters not what body parts you have or if you're male or female. If you love someone, you should tell them. Dean, I'm merely acting on my impulse and if that is a crime, please cast me in prison."

Dean sighed. He knew Cas was right.

"Easy for you to say. You've never been with anyone have you?"

Cas shook his head.

"Why would that make a difference?"

Dean smiled.

"It does. Trust me."

Cas took a step closer to Dean. Dean took in a sudden breath. Cas froze at the intake of air. He looked into Dean's eyes and continued moving forwards until he was inches away from Dean. Dean had the urge to run but something inside him held him to the ground. Cas reached up and put his hand on Dean's cheek. It awakened a want inside Dean that he did not expect. He sighed.

"Then why can't I be with you?"

Dean lifted his hand to his face and rested it on top of Cas'.

"It's not really that easy."

Cas pushed his hand back out from under Dean's, letting it run through Deans hair.

"But it could be. Why can't it be?"

Dean pressed his forehead to Cas'.

"Because you're an angel. I'm a human. And we're both dudes."

Cas closed his eyes. He whispered something so low that Dean couldn't hear it.

"What?"

Cas raised his voice to barely audible.

"I don't have to be angel. I could be whatever you want. I'll change myself if you'll have me any other way."

Dean felt his heart leap. Cas really did love him. Like, _love._ Real love. Something Dean had never truly experienced. If Cas could love him like that, why shouldn't Dean be able to return that love? In every way. He rolled his head down, cheeks gently brushing. He stopped when their lips were nearly touching. He could feel Cas' breath quicken.

"Cas. Don't ever change. Not for anyone. Especially not for me."

With that Dean pressed his lips onto Castiels. Cas was new at this, Dean could tell. His lips quivered and stayed shut. But if he wanted Dean, Dean was going to really give himself to Cas. Dean opened his mouth and slid his tongue over Cas' lips, begging entrance. Cas moaned softly before giving himself to Dean completely.


End file.
